Operation Security Roof (satire)*
Monday, November 19, 2012 at 9:44AM Gilad Atzmon 
By Gilad Atzmon
Following the IDF difficulties in defeating Hamas’s ballistic warfare, the Israeli Government is now searching for contractors with some advanced experience in large scale reinforced concrete constructions. The mission ahead is the building of a solid concrete roof over the entire Jewish State. PM Netanyahu is determined that the only way to defend Israel’s populated area is to cover the Jewish State with a thick layer of iron and cement.
The Israeli Government’s decision to build a concrete roof followed a considerable debate within the cabinet. Defence Minister Ehud Barak insisted that a massive extension of the current Security Wall would be enough to provide the goods. Barak maintained that a substantial increase of the wall to the height of 90,000 ft. would be more than sufficient to stop missiles from entering Israeli territory. He sensibly argued that Israeli youngsters would benefit from seeing the blue sky when they raise their eyes above. Prime Minister Netanyahu couldn’t agree less. Being fully aware of the nature of ballistic warfare, the PM contended that the only way to provide the Jewish State with the ultimate security is to cover it from above with a reinforced concrete shield. Israeli President Shimon Peres, the legendary peace enthusiast, offered a compromise inspired by the idea of a trampoline. Peres suggested that a Security Wall’s 90,000 ft. extension made of an elastic net would do the job. The elder statesman argued that an elastic net will guarantee that every Palestinian missile aimed at Israel would bounce back to the Arab territory once it hits the net. Netanyahu and Barak dismissed Peres’s suggestion. They argued that considering the excessive Israeli usage of artillery and missiles against the Gazans, the Jewish State would suffer far more from the erection of such a ‘bouncy net’. “Israel,” said Barak, “would never survive the extent of its own fierce artillery barrages bouncing back on itself.”
In a press conference following the heated cabinet debate, the Government spokesman Mr Zion Zioni stressed that “following the total success of the Security Wall in stopping Palestinian suicidal terror, ‘Security Roof’ is obviously the natural way to proceed.” Mr Zioni maintained as well that the new Israeli project will turn the Jewish State into a “sealed Jewish Bunker”. “In fact,” Zioni emphasised, “‘Operation Security Roof’ brings the Zionist adventure into its final destination. We are now moving from the ‘Iron Wall’ phase into the ‘Concrete Roof’ future. With a reinforced concrete ceiling from above, a Security Wall in the East and the Mediterranean Sea in the West, the Jewish State will eventually become the safest haven for world Jewry. Herzl’s dream comes true. Long Live Israel!”
Yet, some technical difficulties lay ahead. Probably the most crucial problem has something to do with breathing. Like the rest of the humankind, most Israeli people consume oxygen and release carbon dioxide. Apparently, the Israeli cabinet Ministers were made aware of this very crucial fact by the Health Minister Dr. Herbal Krechtzen. Netanyahu, being a man of action, responded immediately. Already in the cabinet meeting he authorised the Defence Ministry to explore different solutions to the acute biological problem.
